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Author Topic: Holy Shit! FuckdamnOh Sweet Jesus, Why?
Zesty

Member # 36

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posted March 07, 2002 15:57      Profile for Zesty   Email Zesty   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I really didn't want to know...omg.

About a year ago, my mother installed a key lock on her door. She said it was because she didn't want us (my sister and I) coming in her room when she wasn't home and messing up stuff. Sometimes I need to get stuff in her room (toilet paper,etc.)so my sister and I figured out that we can get into her room using the 2nd door which still has the original lock.

A while after this, we were all in her room, and my sister picked up this thing wrapped up in a blanket and asks my mom what it is. My mom grabbed it from her, threw it under the bed, and started laughing in embarrassment.

So today, my mom and sister were both away form the house. I needed some toilet paper, so I went into her room the usual backdoor way. I happened to look under her bed and see that same thing wrapped in the same blanket as before. So, of course, I'm curious and want to see what it is. (Damn curiousity.) So I unwrap it and it reveals A GIANT PLASTIC COCK! With fucking opened condom wrappers with it! I just stare at it while saying "Oh my God, Oh my God" repeatedly, then I wrap it back up and shove it under the bed.

I then proceeded to freak out for an hour. It felt like the whole thing was just a big dream. But it's real. Damn it, why did I have to go and see that! My mom has a fucking dildo! Every sort of question went through my head. How long has she had this thing? Since she got the lock on her door? I know my mom is divorced and never gets any, but holy shit! Why, why, why. did I have to see that!?!?! I will never get over this. I am fucking blown away. She can never find out that I know about it. Never. OH MY GOD!!!

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You're not fully evil, until you're zestyfully evil!
MWA HA HA HA HA!


Posts: 206 | From: Inside my Mind | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
w3rd souljah

Member # 2

posted March 07, 2002 16:27      Profile for w3rd souljah   Author's Homepage   Email w3rd souljah   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Is she hot?

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I like taking showers.

Posts: 628 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
the placebo

Member # 20

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posted March 07, 2002 17:19      Profile for the placebo   Email the placebo   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
you sure she doesn't get any? how do you explain the opened condom wrappers?

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"now it is time for you to drink the melted silver teapot! enjoy a molten beverage that will coat your insides with a shiny smooth finish! then you will eat the table because i keep my promises!"

Posts: 205 | From: nashville, tn | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Daniel

Member # 54

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posted March 07, 2002 20:15      Profile for Daniel   Email Daniel   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Does she plan on getting pregnant from it or something?

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"Hats off to the nun with the man hands."

i was/am WashinMyGoat.


Posts: 386 | From: Evansville, In, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
kiddy

Member # 10

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posted March 07, 2002 21:32      Profile for kiddy   Email kiddy   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
the jimmy hats are for hygeine instead of cleaning the old plastic fantastic you put on a jimmy and just chuck it when your finished
but as for freaking out what the fuck most mums have this shit its just that youve never found it,
think about it you probably duke yourself all the time why wouldnt youre mum also do it?and if you got a dildo youd probably have more fun
i guess ive just been exposed to it more having come froma naked household such as mine, my oldies are way too randy the other day i walked into the kitchen and the old man was rubbing the old chook up he didnt even care that i was there
but anyway get over it ,maybe you should borrow it............

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one two screw you

Posts: 173 | From: the gutter | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Wasting Too Much Time

Member # 19

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posted March 07, 2002 21:51      Profile for Wasting Too Much Time   Author's Homepage   Email Wasting Too Much Time   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
at least you didn't walk in on her using it.

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you could say i do at least.

Posts: 284 | From: Alberta, Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
El Guapo Vandal

Member # 9

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posted March 08, 2002 02:05      Profile for El Guapo Vandal   Email El Guapo Vandal   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
i dont think thats as bad as to walking into your bathroom (well, one that you and your YOUNGER sister, who is like, 14 or 15 at the time) and finding a big purple cock vibrator on the floor, on a towel, in front of the toilet which you intended to use...

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i hate you.

Posts: 232 | From: Phoenix, AZ | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
paul

Member # 84

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posted March 08, 2002 02:06      Profile for paul   Email paul   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by kiddy:
the other day i walked into the kitchen and the old man was rubbing the old chook up he didnt even care that i was there

clarification please...

"the old chook", is this:

a. your mum
b. his penis
c. none of the above (please specify)

and lastly, he didn't care? did you?


Posts: 51 | From: brisbane. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sophie

Member # 139

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posted March 08, 2002 02:12      Profile for Sophie   Author's Homepage   Email Sophie   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
i dont understand why this is such a big deal.

i mean.. if your parents didnt have sex, you wouldnt be here, so obviously they fuck.
and im sure they like sex as much as any teenager, why should they be denied because they have kids?
secondly, i know, your parents are separated (so you said) mine are too.. but just like us, they still get sexual urges and there is nothing wrong with them satisfying those urges

it may seem a little wierd, but if you try not to picture it happening, you will find it becomes less and less a big deal and you will come to be able to accept it.

i guess the moral of the story is, you shouldnt snoop around other people's stuff... how would you like your mum reading your diary huh?

yep.

-sophie


Posts: 2 | From: Australia | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
El Guapo Vandal

Member # 9

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posted March 08, 2002 05:26      Profile for El Guapo Vandal   Email El Guapo Vandal   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
what about finding your younger sisters big dildo in your bathroom? esp when shes only like, 14. that was almost as bad as when i found out she was having sex with a guy who was in his 20s (this, of course, was recently)

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i hate you.

Posts: 232 | From: Phoenix, AZ | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mike

Member # 14

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posted March 08, 2002 12:08      Profile for Mike   Email Mike   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
i found my parents supply of condoms...i just stood there looking at them going "oh my god...oh my god...oh my god" and my dad kept yelling to me to hurry up and get a flashlight for him...i can't go near the drawer anymore. at least i've never heard/seen them using them. but i don't even want to think about that...
Posts: 610 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Zesty

Member # 36

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posted March 08, 2002 14:00      Profile for Zesty   Email Zesty   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sophie:
i dont understand why this is such a big deal.

i mean.. if your parents didnt have sex, you wouldnt be here, so obviously they fuck.
and im sure they like sex as much as any teenager, why should they be denied because they have kids?
secondly, i know, your parents are separated (so you said) mine are too.. but just like us, they still get sexual urges and there is nothing wrong with them satisfying those urges

it may seem a little wierd, but if you try not to picture it happening, you will find it becomes less and less a big deal and you will come to be able to accept it.

i guess the moral of the story is, you shouldnt snoop around other people's stuff... how would you like your mum reading your diary huh?

yep.

-sophie


You're right. But it's really bothering me. The thing I hope and pray is that my younger sister (13 yrs) will not stumble onto it. I thought about telling my mom that I knew about it last night, but I think that that's a bad idea. As lond as I can get over seeing it, I won't have to spill my guts to her. I know that everyone has sexual urges and shit, but it's really really gross when it's your mom.

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You're not fully evil, until you're zestyfully evil!
MWA HA HA HA HA!


Posts: 206 | From: Inside my Mind | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
hollyhox

Member # 35

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posted March 08, 2002 14:13      Profile for hollyhox   Author's Homepage   Email hollyhox   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
well i think it's sort of a big deal, i mean maybe a few years down the road it'll be funny just like it was funny when little joey said penis in kindergarten... but i think parents should do a bit of a better job covering things up, or if they're giong to leave them somewhat out in the open they do something so it's not so awkward... i guess condoms are one thing but a big plastic cock on the floor is definitely a bigger step.
of course all of this is pretty much natural (the plastic penis is debatable)... so in a way it's not really gross, it just depends on mood and perspective.

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>>*i didnt know i made friends with fucking rock critics.*<

Posts: 30 | From: appleton, wi | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Klink

Member # 78

posted March 08, 2002 15:13      Profile for Colonel Klink   Author's Homepage   Email Colonel Klink   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Zesty:
I just stare at it while saying "Oh my God, Oh my God" repeatedly, then I wrap it back up and shove it under the bed.

It's high time you learnt where you should really shove it

Extract of the goonies :
Mikey: That's my mom's most favourite piece.
Mouth: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.

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Industrial Revolution has flipped a bitch on Evolution.


Posts: 665 | From: Stalag 13 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
w3rd souljah

Member # 2

posted March 09, 2002 11:14      Profile for w3rd souljah   Author's Homepage   Email w3rd souljah   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
IS SHE HOT?

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I like taking showers.

Posts: 628 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
tiddlywynk

Member # 22

posted March 09, 2002 13:41      Profile for tiddlywynk   Author's Homepage   Email tiddlywynk   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
that really sucks that you had to find that, but it should also teach you a lesson not to look at stuff that isn't yours...
maybe you can even use it to your advantage... if your mom catches you masturbating or something and gets pissed, you can always pull the "at least i don't have a giant dildo" line.
i found my cousin's condoms awhile back... that i just really found funny since i know he doesn't get any, so i just made a big smiley face out of them on his bed and he got all embarrassed. if you get pissed at your mom, you should leave it on her bed with a sign that says "i know what you did last summer" or something like that.
use it to your advantage.
but don't actually USE it... getting an std from your mom would be pretty damn nasty.

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.See.me.Feel.me.Touch.me.Heal.me.

Posts: 409 | From: Paper Street | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
w3rd souljah

Member # 2

posted March 09, 2002 14:18      Profile for w3rd souljah   Author's Homepage   Email w3rd souljah   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by tiddlywynk:
[QB]dfsdfsdQB]

THAT WAS THE SCARIEST PARAGRAPH I HAVE EVER READ.

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I like taking showers.


Posts: 628 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
tiddlywynk

Member # 22

posted March 09, 2002 21:47      Profile for tiddlywynk   Author's Homepage   Email tiddlywynk   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by w3rd souljah:

THAT WAS THE SCARIEST PARAGRAPH I HAVE EVER READ.


haha

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.See.me.Feel.me.Touch.me.Heal.me.


Posts: 409 | From: Paper Street | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Klink

Member # 78

posted March 10, 2002 06:11      Profile for Colonel Klink   Author's Homepage   Email Colonel Klink   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by tiddlywynk:
if your mom catches you masturbating or something and gets pissed, you can always pull the "at least i don't have a giant dildo" line.

I don't think parents are pissed at that time(unless you're 4 or 94) but rather embarassed and so is the kid.

When you said "you can use it at your own advantage" I thought of something more kinky

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Industrial Revolution has flipped a bitch on Evolution.


Posts: 665 | From: Stalag 13 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
damnedmitliss

Member # 116

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posted March 10, 2002 18:01      Profile for damnedmitliss   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
well this barely compares, but my dad liked to explain to my brother and i how embarassing it is to go into a store and buy condoms...especially a store all of his daughters friends work at. i hope he really never did this, or i'll have to move away and join the witness protection prgram.
Posts: 41 | From: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged

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