lets start with money, shall we?

first off, im sure many of you may know that my parents used to own this awesome espresso bar in downtown columbus called Insomnia. you may also know that starbucks, which had no locations in downtown columbus when my parents acquired the store, had something like 5 locations when my parents decided to lock up the doors and leave. funny think, those 5 sort of formed a circle around the shop. basically, they left because they couldnt cover costs, let alone salaries, ect, with buisness, because it had all gone to hell. they had asked the landlord for help on the rent, and he refused. so they just left, rather than have the store sink them further into debt. (fun fact: thier income is/was in the range of negative digits. five of them. thank you starbucks!)

well, to make matters even better, not only am i in college (my college fund, lucky for me, was consumed by starbucks. go starbucks!), but the landlord, who is a total cunt, has decided to sue my father for all that he is worth. good times. so basically, to keep from losing everything that we have, everything has had to have been transferred into my mothers name and my dad might be forced to file for bankruptcy so this asshole doesnt get ANY more money.

and oh yeah, im still in college.

and of course, being in college, its kind of expensive. of course, in light of my parents dire financial situation, i thought that i might get some financial aid this semester (i got enough last semester to bring costs down to in-state tuition.) but no, i dont get any grants or anything. all loans. most of the loans, in fact, are for my parents. uh huh. thats going over real well.

so now, not only do i have full tuition to worry about, but also apartment payments (that my parents can no longer afford to make, despite this being promised to me. i understand why they cant though), car payments, any, well, every other fucking thing in the world. and, to make these matters more fun, all 10 of the places i have applied to work at the past two weeks havent hired me. they say theyll call back. uh huh. i cannot understand, or believe, how in a city growing as fast as phoenix, i cannot find a job. back in columbus i could pick and choose resteraunts, walk in, and walk out, with a job, 20 minutes later. life really rocks.

so basically i am being forced to join the air force. at least it looks that way now. funny, cause i wouldnt have to if the god damn government wouldve given me some aid. perhaps i should tell them im black. maybe that would be benificial...

the bad thing about the air force though, well, the thing that scares the living fuck out of me, is that its 4 years of my life. bye bye ASU. bye bye all my friends here. bye bye girls. bye bye partying. bye bye delta chi. bye bye poli sci/law degree. bye bye free time. dont know if i can give that up. granted i would have money, and some sense of stability, but would i be happy? i think i would be decidedly unhappy.

i really do not know what to do right now. i am freaking out.

at this rate, i think that stress will kill me before my 20th birthday, which in less than a month and a half.

and oh yeah, i have summer classes to worry about too. and finding a job. and these god damn relationships with these god damn girls which seem nothing but god damn trouble. and oh yeah, paying for things.

isnt this supposed to be the best time of my life too?

i sure as hell hope not, because if so, send me to war cause if things arent going to look up, id be willing to fight on the front lines.

meanwhile, my sister, who i love dearly, seems to be destroying her life, and shes only 17, and THAT scares the crap out of me (and is certainly not causing my parents any less stress, which worries the fuck out of me, i am so god damn scared that one of them is going to have a heart attack or something cause of all this horseshit that has been going on the past 4 years or so. its been a fun ride, if you like downhill plunges). i mean, i like to think im a good brother, a good role model to her, but she doesnt seem to listen to anything that i say. shes so rebellious, and not in the normal rebellious way. i mean, i dont care if she smokes weed, or even does shrooms, but shes done some other stuff that just blows my mind. shell do shit like runaway from home for a day or two. my parents are at wits end. she cant be controlled. it just all really upsets me, as if i need more to be upset about

oh. and i know, it could be worse. somehow. but im really sick of never getting any good breaks (whats next for me... cancer? will another family member die? maybe ill die...)

im sick of life shitting on me. when i think of actuall good breaks ive gotten in the past, oh, 5 years, there are very, very few. very few. no, i dont have cancer or anything. and no, none of my friends have died, and yes, my parents are still alive. for this im thankful. but really, the good things stop there.

this isnt making me any less cynical either, and that really sucks.

anyways... i cant sleep.

*sigh*

[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: El Guapo Vandal ]

you should ALWAYS call a job you apply to about 5-7 days later, even if they tell you they'll call you. This shows that you are taking initiative and are actively interested in working, which will put your name up above the other candidates (and many times, will get you an interview arranged on the spot, assuming the manager is in). The best time to reach managers in most establishments (stores, restaurants, offices, etc) is Monday business hours (9-5), as often there is all sorts of weekly paperwork that gets accomplished at this time.

Granted, life has taken an unexpected turn...but that's what life does (cliche as that may sound)...there are no guarantees...only more of the same twists and turns...right now you're at a low...but you can't have lows without highs...it's all relative...I can say that I went through the same thing in my early 20's...trying to pay for school with little help from the 'rents...trying to have a full time job while attending school...trying to support myself (rent, bills, play money)...your early 20's are probably going to be the hardest part of your life...the only way to get through it is to get through it...

You say you might have to join the Air Force and give up Poli Sci/Law...why?...sure join the Air Force...but why not do it through an officer's training program...I don't know the full details because I only considered the Navy ever so briefly, but I do know that either through ROTC or through a military academy you can both get paid and go to school...look into it...hell, it can't hurt can it?...that way you can pursue your scholastic interest while supporting yourself...

As bad as things seem, life is always manageable...the outcome of it all depends on the choices you make...just don't give up on it...everyone goes through it...and most of us come out OK...

One last thing...you can't worry so much about your parents or sister...I know it's kind of a callous thing to say and it's a hard thing to do, but help them by helping yourself...you're no good to them in the state you're in...find your direction, take it and then take care of them...

and as for the money thing, ill come through it some how. im confident in myself. its the other issues that i cant control that scare me.

and no paul, i probably will never be happy.

i just have EVERYTHING piling on me at the moment, and really no control over a lot of it, other than to just say "fuck it" and not care, but that, unfortunatley, isnt really like me...

quote:

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Originally posted by El Guapo Vandal:
so basically i am being forced to join the air force. at least it looks that way now. funny, cause i wouldnt have to if the god damn government wouldve given me some aid. perhaps i should tell them im black. maybe that would be benificial...

[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: El Guapo Vandal ]

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a car, esp in phoenix, is a necessity. if i am going to have mulitple jobs, and go to asu, i am going to need a car. yes, i can bike very long distances, but in 110 degree heat, first of all, that means i arrive at work sweaty as hell, and as for busses, well, in phoenix theyre practically non existant.

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as far as buses in phoenix go, they are certainly NOT non-existent, especially if you are in tempe where there is a huge student population which thrives on both the bus-system and the ability to bike themselves everywhere. it just takes some getting used to. there was a point in my (oh-so-sort) community college life when I took 3 buses to get my ass to school. sure, it was kinda not fun, but if I can do it, there's certainly no reason you can't.

I also had many a job in which I bused myself to and from on a daily basis, and never had any severe problems. maybe the rare occasion of being a few minutes late, but when people know you're taking the bus, they expect this sort of thing to happen every once in awhile.